Oh nelly…It’s about to get very open and honest here…
Want to know a little secret…My little man was fed 99% on formula.
Before you start to cast judgment and think “How could she do that?!?! Doesn’t she know breast is best?”
I do!
And I honestly put 100% into trying to feed my baby with the best possible food source there is…but, in the end, it just didn’t work for me. I tried pumping around the clock, I spent hours on google and Pinterest trying every different pumping schedule possible, I took 5 different herbal pills that either made me smell like maple syrup or gave me terrible migraines, I spent money on nasty tasting lactation cookies that were dry and gross, and I spent time meeting with lactation consultants who said my little man’s latch was perfect, yet through everything I tried, nothing worked. I was lucky if two days’ worth of pumping resulted in 2oz of milk for my little man, who was eating 4 ounces every 4 hours. And I know that even the littlest amount is better than none…so, I continued to struggle and work at it for three months. At that time I was down to making less than 2 ounces in three days. I finally realized that I was missing out on spending time with my little man for very little in return and I stopped everything, the pills, put away the pump, deleted my saved Pinterest pins and I went to play with my little guy.
I could sit here and try to blame the fact that he was born via C-section and I had a rough recovery or that he was put in the NICU for 5 days after delivery or the fact that we never got any good skin-to-skin at the beginning because of my recovery or his monitoring cords and IV in the NICU but what good would that do? Nothing, but bring up those feelings of not being good enough or fear that others will think I didn’t really try.
They tell you in your breastfeeding class that everyone can feed their baby, it’s natural. But that’s a lie. A lie, to make you feel like you are failing and something is wrong with you if you can’t feed your baby. But I want all the mommies who have struggled with feeding their babies to know that it’s ok! We are still amazing moms who love our babies just as much as every other mommy out there!
I remember being so afraid to leave the house when my little guy was first born because I didn’t want someone to see me giving him formula and judge me. Then I would read people posting online about the struggle breastfeeding mommies were going through and part of me wished I would have that struggle…but I didn’t. We tend to forget about the other side of the coin in situations.
Instead, I realized that no matter how I fed my baby I was open to scrutiny on my choices. The irony though is that it wasn’t a choice I got to make, it was a choice I was given. My wish is that the next time you see a mommy feeding their baby, no matter how they are feeding their little one, we show them kindness for they are taking care of the next generation and tell them that they are doing a great job! We need to raise each other up instead of tear each other down.
